Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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