He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I checked into jail on foursquare
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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