I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
