question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
