why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Randomize
