maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
