Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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