apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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