the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize