remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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