What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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