it's too hot outside to masturbate.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
