I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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