I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
