You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
