There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
