Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
