I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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