I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Randomize
