i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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