I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
