Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
