so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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