How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
one might say we're banned from that church
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
