i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
