I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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