I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
