i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
