Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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