Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
