You're completely useless in the revolution.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
