According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
