The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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