Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Never joke about your clitoris.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
