I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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