Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
