I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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