You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
