none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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