so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
