he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
