Hey man sorry I got all grabby
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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