I never want to see another naked old woman again.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
