I faked an abortion last night.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
