if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I need moral support for this bender
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
