Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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