i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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