Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Never joke about your clitoris.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
