I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize