so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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