This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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