I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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