god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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