do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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