Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
My bed smells like the plague
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
