I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
