WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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