i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
