dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
