i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
