If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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