So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just pee around me
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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