My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
