Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
