Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
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