she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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