What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
