i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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