jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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