I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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