Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
