Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
