what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
