i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
