i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
