How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
i've created a new STD.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
