Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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