You made me cry and you don't even care
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
