where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
