She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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