so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
