I accidentally had phone sex last night
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
