I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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