THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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