Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
