my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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