When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
