It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
