im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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