I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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