Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
His hands were made for my vagina.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
