so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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