I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
