I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
