I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
