that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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