Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
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