When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
