Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
