Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
