Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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