thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Of course I have a pirate flag
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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