NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
