I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
