the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The air was thick with penises
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize