Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
one two three fourrrrnication!
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
