Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
no you cant smoke seaweed
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
