my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
my poor anus
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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