Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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