you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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