yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
