smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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