did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
