Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
