whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
