Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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