do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
