i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
