guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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