Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You pole danced in your parka.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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