Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
